Letters from a Disgruntled Gnome

Dear Miserable Wasters of Winter,

          You human children have no concept of what winter is for. We the gnomes tire of your constant snowman building, sledding, and throwing of snowballs at each other. Every gnome warrior worth his salt in battle knows that snow is only to be thrown at one creature on this planet, the Woodland Fairies!

          For we the noble gnomes prefer not to throw “snowballs,” but to make giant snow boulders that we launch at the Woodland Fairies from our mighty catapults that we made from your Dad’s bungee cords and the trees in your backyard. I should also point out that we the gnomes also strongly believe that all snow boulders that we fling at those disgusting do-gooders should be the gnomes’ sacred color of war, yellow.

          Now one might think that these yellow boulders of gnome fury would discourage the Woodland Fairies from flying over our sacred lands, but sadly they have not gotten the point. This is why we the gnomes have hatched our most brilliant plan to find new allies to help us crush the Woodland Fairies once and for all.

          We the gnomes have returned to your jail to once again get all of the disgusting things that are made in your food place so that we can combine that trash with snow and begin making the most disgusting yellow snow boulders known to the entire mythical creature world. There is just one problem, Michael Westerholm III, Director of Food Services.

          The only way that we can have control of your food place is if we find some way to overpower this Westerholm person. So we the gnomes have decided there is only one creature that can help us conquer the food place, Sloppy Joe. How might a thing you call a “sandwich” aid us in our quest? We the gnomes believe that a talking sandwich would strike fear in the heart of the Westerholm person and he would decide to move to Idaho or Belize.

          How will we bring a sandwich to life you might ask? The answer is quite simple what creatures are so dense and good-natured that they will bring anything to life that they think is happy? The Woodland Fairies!

          Last night we the gnomes journeyed to your jail and built the cutest and friendliest looking snowman that the fairies have ever seen. We the gnomes know how much those Nimble Numbskulls love to bring things to life, especially snowmen. What those annoying pests didn’t know was that on top of the snowman was none other than Sloppy Joe.

          When the Woodland Fairies brought the snowman to life and flew away they also brought our greatest ally to life, Sloppy Joe, the true Lord of the Lunchroom. At once we the gnomes, were glad to know this creature for like us he is very sloppy and also thinks Michael Westerholm III, is overrated. Victory over the fairies and the Westerholm person will be ours.

          The only flaw in our plan was the fact that the Woodland Fairies did indeed bring the snowman to life. He told us his name was Lester Perrywinkle and then he wanted to sing us a song. We the gnomes do not like snowmen or their awful songs so we pushed him into the sun with the hope that he would melt.

          What we the gnomes, didn’t realize is that once those awful fairies bring something to life, it stays that way even if you try to melt it. Lester Perrywinkle is now a talking puddle that follows us everywhere we go. He will drip on our noses to wake us up to ask how we are feeling. This is terrible and also easy to answer. There is only one feeling that any gnome ever has, rage, all of the time because of the Woodland Fairies!

          Because of Lester we the gnomes demand you not ask questions when you discover a bucket of water in your deep freeze and if it asks you how you feel, just ignore him.

Long Live Sloppy Joe,

Betrand G. Fizzywillow Chief of the Gnomes

Dear Wretches,

          We the gnomes were completely distressed to learn that your Sloppy Joe is not in fact the Lord of the Catfeetrium at all, but is instead, only a disgusting sandwich made with a questionable meat substance and a sauce that we think was made in a trashcan and then stored in a tree elve’s house for a year in a sweaty old sock.

          You may not know this, but we the gnomes can’t negotiate with a sandwich. Through Jeff’s work in the jail/school, we have discovered that the true leader of the Catfeetrium is some dude named Michael Westerholm III, director of food services.

          Let me be very clear about something. While, we the gnomes, love all of the slop that is deposited in the giant green treasure chests outside of your school/jail, your Catfeetrium has no real food in it. This is why everything they make is good for throwing at the Woodland Fairies. We the gnomes love pelting the Woodland Fairies with gross things, but we don’t waste food. Thankfully, your Catfeetrium doesn’t make real food so we can still sleep at night.

          To seek help in our cause, Jeff left a note for this Westerholm III person demanding that he help us in our quest to make the homes of all the Woodland Fairies smell putrid or we would call something known as the “Health Department” and inform them of all the “delicious” things your Catfeetrium serves. We believe this “Hearth Deportment” may be very interested to learn about the kingdom of mice that also live there. Not only did he not agree to help us, but he told the people that you call teachers at your school that someone played a joke on him with our letter.

          Gnomes don’t play jokes. Yes, we hatch schemes, make war plans, and pull pranks, but we never joke. To be clear most of the pranks that we play are on your “Dad,” but let’s face it that dude has it coming. We like spelling out mean names for him with sticks and his shoes. It is also fun to leave doors open or take his tools out of the garage and throw them in the yard so your mom gets mad at him.

          So as you can see we were not joking with Michael III about anything because we don’t do that. However, we have gone to war against the Catfeetrium. If they will not help us then we hope they enjoy swimming in the wobbly substance you humans call jail-o. Slearpork and Jeff were successful in filling the Catfeetrium to the roof with it. We the gnomes are repulsed by this jail-o because it is so colorful and we are quite certain contains 100% percent fairy “happiness.”

          Since the Catfeetrium will not join us, we regret to inform you that your dad must keep digging in the dumpsters of your jail to bring us weapons. As a token of kindness to your dad, we have included a nice new set of rubber gloves to help him in his quest to bring us disgusting things. We the gnomes have taken the liberty of cutting small holes in his gloves so that the smell of the Catfeetrium dumpster will get all over his hands. There is great excitement among our clan of gnomes because we know that once your mom smells him that they will have to have yet another long talk about his body odor.

The Catfeetrium will be ours,

Betrand G. Fizzywillow

Chief of the Gnomes and number one enemy of Michael Westerholm III

 

Dear Vagabonds,

          We the gnomes believe there has been some misunderstanding. You “children” were instructed to bring us large bags of slop from your Catfeetrium at your school / jail. Much to our dismay you only brought a few scraps that were stuck to your shoe.

          Even though you have not done as we asked we the gnomes had a backup plan. While Slearpok the Sneaky and Flingdring the Flattened were watching to see what amazing treasures we might receive from you I sent in our secret weapon to your Catfeetrium to get supplies for our army. That’s right we the gnomes have sent, Jeff.

          No one ever expects Jeff and that is why he was able to sneak into the Catfeetrium and steal what we are told you humans call spaghetti, peanut butter, and tuna fish. There was so much that he was not able to carry it all. Thankfully, you left your locker open so he put all of the spaghetti, peanut butter, and tuna in your backpack.

          We also enjoyed the look on your “Dad’s” face when he opened your backpack. The smell was so bad that it knocked him on his hiney. Ha, ha, ha. By the way, do you know what one of the gnomes’ favorite words is? Hiney, it is fun to say. Also, can anyone say “Tuna surprise?” We bet your Dad can now. It was a surprise to us that he fell over, that was our favorite part.

          What was even better was that your Mom blamed your Dad for your backpack being messy and said he should be more careful carrying it home. We the gnomes laughed and laughed at that ugly, hairy guy. Maybe next time he will think twice about raking our glorious leaves.

          When we the gnomes are not thinking of yet another brilliant way to attack the Woodland Fairies, we love to find ways to mess with your Dad. Hiding his keys is one of our favorites and opening the magical machine that makes your clothes dry so it will look like he forgot to start it…again. We would torment your “Dad” more often, but then we wouldn’t have time to load our catapults with the spaghetti and peanut butter so that we are ready the next time a Woodland Fairy floats over our lands.

          This is a good start to our plans for the Woodland Fairies, but we will need more spaghetti and we would also like to meet the Lord of your Catfeetrium, we believe his name is Sloppy Joe. After your lunchtime at your jail/school please bring the Lord of the Catfeetrium to Ugdork the Playground Cyclops and he will bring Sloppy Joe to us. We believe he can help us.

          Also since you children are too weak to carry our supplies tell your Dad that he must jump into your jail’s dumpster every day after he takes you to school and bring us at least one bag of slop. If your “Dad” refuses to help us we will make sure that his keys disappear every Tuesday for the next year. It would be a shame for him to find them in a pile of fox poop.

Bring us this Sloppy Joe,

Betrand G. Fizzywillow

Chief of the Gnomes

Dear Swamp Rats,

          We the gnomes have yet another mission for you. This is not optional. It will soon be time to go to war with the Woodland Fairies once again! This time we will win…we think. We the gnomes have decided that if you insist on continuing to squat on our lands you will assist us in gathering the supplies we need for the fight ahead.

          Slearpork the Sneaky and Flingdring the Flattened have been following you and your “parents” as they escort you to your temporary jail each day. I believe that you “children” call it a “school.” We the gnomes call it a jail because there are fences and locked doors everywhere. Plus you “children” always are so sad to go to school and so happy when you are finally allowed to return home at the end of each day.

          In the mind of the gnomes, this is jail. Plus we have observed that you are only allowed outside at certain times of day at this place. How terrible that must be? We the gnomes love being outside. It is after all the best place to find disgusting things to shoot, fling, or pelt the Woodland Fairies with.

          They make us sick because they float above your family each day as you walk to school singing songs about all of the “wonderful” things you will learn at this wretched place. They even plant little pockets of “joy” for you to walk through because they think it will make your day better.

          Do you know what makes a gnome’s day better? Woodland Fairies, sad, covered in some sort of goo or grossed out by having the smell of one of our canned Moose farts unleashed in their home. That is our pocket of joy.

          On their many trips to spy on you miserable creatures, Slearpork and Flingdring have observed that there is a foul and terrible smelling place at your school known as the Catfeetrium. Our spies have observed that each day several people with body odor equivalent to our feet carry out large bags of disgusting human food items such as something you call squarizza and an item that is supposed to be matballs.

          We the gnomes are delighted to discover that there is a ready supply of foul items such as these. All of this gross stuff will make excellent weapons to redecorate the homes or the faces of the Woodland Fairies with.

          Each day you will bring us a bag of the food from your Catfeetrium for our war efforts or we will feed our newest gnome brother Flemsnoot the Flatulent all of the beans in your pantry and then let him camp in your house. Trust us if we let Flemsnoot lose you will have to burn all of your clothes. So please don’t try us.

We demand the square pizza,

Betrand G. Fizzywillow

Chief of the Gnomes and Gatherer of Goop

Dear Menaces,

          It seems that you children have finally discovered our deepest darkest secret. Long ago on one of many winter attacks in the Enchanted Forest, one of our young gnome warriors got lost. It took some time for us to notice that she was missing, but after forty-five years we finally discovered that we had lost a gnome in the forest.

          I know what you are thinking, “Oh wow, you gnomes took that long?”

          Well, I will have you know that gnomes are known for misplacing things and it is a well-known gnome fact that some of our kind are born with a terrible sense of direction. One of our tribes set out long ago to buy some milk from a nearby farm and ended up settling in Alaska. They are known today as the “Eski-gnomes.”

          Again you  might say, “O Bertrand, how terrible that one of your tribes wandered all of the way to Alaska.”

          Those gnomes were annoying anyways. They were not the best at complaining and sometimes the food they made actually tasted good. It is really hard to be in a bad mood if you have eaten good food. Gnomes do their best to avoid good food because you eat one good meal and all of the sudden you notice how blue the sky is or worse yet, you think about writing a poem. So when those gnomes wandered off to Alaska, it was no big loss for us. They got on our nerves and worse yet, they were huggers.

          The reason we call this lost gnome our deepest darkest secret is because to our shame this lost member of our tribe was raised by our greatest enemies, the Woodland Fairies. All gnomes pride themselves on having cranky names and foul dispositions. Sadly this “gnome” that was raised by the Fairies is always in a good mood and her name is…Sunny.

          There are so many things wrong with her name, “Sunny.” Plus she is so cheerful that she dances and sings at the edge of the forest. Did we mention that she loves the Woodland Fairies? Anytime that we launch one of our attacks on those perpetually happy glitter bombs she always sends us a letter asking us to stop. You might think, “Finally, some small piece of evidence that she is actually a gnome.” This is where you would be wrong because her notes are always….nice. Plus she always puts stickers on them!

          Gnomes hate hate hate hate hate stickers! This is especially true of Woodland Fairy stickers because they are always cheerful and have happy messages. So in the minds of all gnomes stickers are like hugs that well…stick to things. We can’t stand this at all.

          Worse than the thank you notes, Sunny always invites us to brunch on the weekends. We don’t know what brunch is, but we are quite certain that we would not like it one bit. Mostly, because we know that Woodland Fairies would be there and they too would want to give us hugs.

          So in the name of all that is terrible and rotten in the world, we ask that you not speak or associate with Sunny. She is a walking bag of sugar, spice, and all that is wrong with the Woodland Fairies. Trust me no one should be friends with someone whose clothes are so loud they have to put new batteries in them all of the time. Speak to her at your own peril.

Be Warned,

Betrand G. Fizzywillow

Chief of the Gnomes

Dear Rabble Rousers,

          Just what exactly do you think you are doing? It has come to our attention that you and your parents have decided to “clean up the place.” For years we gnomes have been growing the best garden of stink weeds and crabgrass than any other fairytale creatures.

          Now you might say, “O wise and gentle Bertrand, those weeds smell bad and the crabgrass makes our home look terribly ugly.” To which I would say, “Exactly!”

          We gnomes pride ourselves on having the ugliest and most unwelcoming homes in all the land. There are several reasons why we want our homes to be ugly. As usual, this begins with our great love of complaining. The nicer our lands, the less we would have to gripe about. It is a well-known fact that gnomes need a good twelve to fifteen hours of complaining before they can get a decent day’s rest.

Secondly, if our lands were nice and well-kept then other creatures would want to “visit us.” Gnomes don’t like visitors at all. When people come to visit they expect you to do nice things for them like have food for them to eat and not ask for money from them to sleep on the ground outside your home. They also want you to talk to them and visitors don’t like it when we tie their shoes together or put peanut butter on their faces while they sleep so that the squirrels will pester them as they rest.

          The uglier our lands are, the less likely other creatures are to ask if they can have a sleepover at our house. Do you know who loves sleepovers? The Woodland Fairies, that’s who. They love to stay up late “talking” and they even braid each other’s hair. Woodland Fairies also love to eat foods at these sleepovers that make them happy. Gnomes don’t like being happy, we love to be miserable. How else would we be able to complain?

          Finally, the smellier our lands are the faster the Woodland Fairies will fly past our lands. We want them to stay out! So we the gnomes request that you stop “cleaning the place up.” Don’t make it any nicer. However, if you want to make the place worse, we gnomes are happy to help. It has been a long time since Jeff and the gnome formerly known as Mr. McBing Bang have stolen a garbage truck and quite frankly, they need the practice. The Freeway Ogres are always happy to share old tires, rusty nails, and their large collection of traffic cones if you want some.

          So we the gnomes demand that you stop “cleaning up the place” for good. If you don’t listen to us, Crabapple the Computer literate will sell all of your garden tools are the thing you humans call the “splinternet.”

Keep it crummy,

Betrand G. Fizzywillow

Chief of the Gnomes and Lover of the Lousy

Dear Troublemakers,

          We the gnomes demand to know why is it that every time it is windy that humans think to themselves, “Wow, the wind is really blowing. Wouldn’t it be nice if we put a piece of string on a piece of cloth or plastic and then put it in the air until it crashed into the ground? Then we could do it, again and again, all day long.”

          I have no idea what is wrong with you children and why you love kites so much? Don’t you realize that kites are one of the items most despised by our clan? Gnomes can’t stand kites because they are usually made of colorful material and when a human flies one of these infernal things the Woodland Fairies are drawn to them.

          For some reason, those fetid flying fluffernutters think any time there is a kite in the air they are being invited to a party. Woodland Fairies love parties and for some strange reason, a kite floating in the air is a party to these foul floaters. It disgusts us when they all fly out of the forest to “party” mostly because it means that they are going to sing yet another one of their songs that is so bad that it gives us gnomes bald spots in our beards.

          A gnome’s beard is precious to him. We first grow our beards when we are two years old. If a gnome hasn’t grown a beard by the time they are three years old they must wear a bag over their heads with two holes cut out for eyes. That is until they grow a beard and if they never do the bag stays for life! I once knew a gnome known only as Bag Head because he had no beard. He was not popular.

Gnomes make sure that their beards are the perfect length and that they are useful for several things. First of all, gnomes make sure that their beards grow to their waist so that they catch all of the food that falls out of our mouths while we are complaining while we eat. This is important because gnomes get hungry very often and if our beards are long enough to catch our food then we know we will always have a snack handy.

Secondly, gnomes’ beards are kept long so that they pick up plenty of leaves and dirt while we are crawling on the ground hunting for slugs to put in the Woodland Fairies’ socks. This is important because the dirtier our beards are the better we can disguise ourselves in the enchanted forest while we are sneaking into the homes of the Woodland Fairies to “deliver” the slugs.

So do you realize how much attention you draw to the Woodland Fairies when you fly your “kites?” Stop it. Worst of all the other day when you children were flying your kite several of our brave gnome warriors got caught in the tail of your kite shortly before it took off.

Thanks to you Drimdrum and the gnome formerly known as Mr. McBing Bang were flung into the air and ended up flying into the homes of one of the Woodland Fairies. This was a terrifying experience for our brave warriors! Do you realize that the Woodland Fairies tried to feed our brave warriors….cookies? Ugh.

Stop flying kites!!! We the gnomes want to keep our beards and no gnome should ever have to eat a Woodland Fairy cookie! Those foul beings are terrible bakers and besides, they only make Oatmeal Raisin cookies! Offering a gnome an Oatmeal Raisin cookie is the highest insult ever.

Find another hobby now! If you do not stop flying your kite immediately we will be forced to gather up all of the Woodland Fairies’ awful cookies and fill your pillowcases with them. Would you like to go to sleep every night with the foul stench of the world’s worst cookie? I didn’t think so!

Let’s not fly a kite,

Betrand G. Fizzywillow

Chief of the Gnomes and Detester of Kites

Dear Villains,

          I am once again writing to express my extreme displeasure with your most recent intrusion onto our lands. We find your most recent act the vilest yet. It is Fall and every one of your kind is so excited. The leaves are changing, it’s apple season, and there is pumpkin spice everything…Yipee.

          While gnomes do appreciate fall because the air is colder and it is near our favorite season, winter. We don’t love this time because of songs or celebrations. Gnomes may all have beards, but we are not Santa Claus. No, winter is the time of year when we renew our war with the Woodland Fairies.

          Fall is important because it is when we make our plans of attack for the next season. As you small-minded people may have figured out by now our war must be plotted in secret. And now thanks to your fall celebration this is now impossible.

          You humans all insist on placing pumpkins everywhere around your property. Gnomes hate pumpkins! We hate everything about them. We don’t like their colors. To display orange and yellow around one’s home is one of the highest insults that can be expressed to gnomes. In our land, this practice is done to say another gnome, “Hey you, we don’t like you. We think you stink and our dislike of you is so great we want to suggest you look at the color orange until your brain melts.”

          Furthermore, we hate pumpkins because our sworn enemies the Woodland Fairies love to use them as their vacation homes. We work very hard to keep these foul creatures out of our land. As I said, as fall comes we are readying for war with these animals, these sugary singers of ugh.

          While we are readying to destroy these foul beasts the last thing we want is them vacationing on our lands. But you humans and your pumpkins, it’s like to you take great joy in our pain and discomfort. The leaves change and suddenly out comes all of your pumpkins. Along with them, here come the Woodland Fairies and their vile stupid songs of what they call “joy.”

          Gnomes don’t know any kind of joy except that from standing triumphant over our fallen foes. Yet, that is next to impossible because you humans put out pumpkins, and then you do something even more despicable, you carve windows into them. This ridiculous practice makes these pumpkins ideal vacation space for our enemies.

          You display your pumpkins and the Woodland Fairies move in. Then soon after they move into their vacation spots they start hosting parties. They even do insane things like setting out fake mailboxes and fake pink flamingoes. Then all of them start to sing stupid songs about leaves and fall.

          As we hear these assaults on our auditory senses all we want to do is hope that all of the pumpkins will fall off of your porches and roll into the flower garden in the hopes that a puerile troll will crush the pumpkin and its fairy guest.

          I wish I could go into further detail concerning foul pumpkins and the even more despicable Woodland Fairies, however, this letter has dragged on and has cost me serious planning time of how we hope to drag all of the Woodland Fairies off of our land and throw them into the great Vortex of Snot.

          With that, I shall leave with the humble request to remove all pumpkins from our sacred lands. If you do not heed our command we will train our squirrels and chipmunks to knock every pumpkin muffin and pumpkin spice latte out of your hands before you can taste them.

Listen or else!

Betrand G. Fizzwillow

Disgruntled and Annoyed

Dear Instigators,

          Why are you children so happy now? We gnomes hear you outside all of the time talking about how wonderful it is that you can play outside again because it is getting warmer. Do you not realize that it means that winter is almost over? The most glorious time of the year is at its end and our time for our great battles with the Woodland Fairies has come to an end?

          Well, to be honest, they really haven’t. Winter is when we attempt to win our war, but we never really give up on making those dreadful creatures miserable. It is just easier to do when it is cold and snowy. Also we the gnomes find spring to be disgusting.

          Do you know why gnomes hate springtime so much? Well, I will tell you. First of all, the Woodland Fairies all come out of the forest and fly over all of the trees singing to wake them up. We gnomes can’t stand this because we find their songs to be the dumbest thing we have ever heard. I mean honestly why would anyone sing to a tree to wake it up. It is a well-known fact that trees have to be shaken awake.

          The other thing that is so awful about spring is when the trees do wake up is they start blooming. Oh, you might say, “Well O grand and wise Betrand, spring is so beautiful.”

          To which I would reply, “Not if you have allergies as gnomes do.” Gnome allergies are so bad that we sneeze for forty-five days. If you ever hear a loud sound at night, that is not a big truck it is all of the gnomes blowing their noses at once. One of our brave gnomes Neebly the Nose Blaster once blew his nose with such great power that he was blasted to South America. It took him six years to get home. Gnome allergies are terrible and Spring is the worst time for it!

          Finally, we the gnomes can’t stand listening to the fairies or all of you humans talk about how lovely all of the “colors” of Spring are. There is only one lovely color and that is gray! We gnomes love the color gray because it is the color of the sky in winter. Gray is also the best color to complain about, something we gnomes do best.

          So we the gnomes kindly ask you to stop celebrating Spring. It is not joyful it is terrible. We recommend complaining about how soon it will be Summer that always helps us. By the way, you need more tissues. You children didn’t lose them, Flindring the Flattened snuck in and relocated them to our tree. Trust me, you don’t want them back now.

Aaah Choooo,

Betrand G. Fizzywillow

Dear Mini-Humans,

          Congratulations! We have decided that not everything about your presence on our sacred lands is terrible. Well, most of it is and we still want you to leave. However, if you must stay we will tolerate you and your family as long as your dogs continue to work with us in our quest to defeat the Woodland Fairies.

          What you don’t know is that when your dogs are out roaming around our land sniffing this and smelling that we have made friends with your dogs. At first, we enjoyed watching your big black dog chase the deer off of our land. This was particularly fun for us because your big black dog is much slower than the deer. It was great fun watching her almost crash into a tree several times.

          One day she was running through the field and almost squashed three of our brave warriors. The only way for them not to end up like Flingdring the Flattened was to grab hold of the side of her as she ran by. These three brave warriors discovered that when they held on to your big black dog that they were invisible to the Woodland Fairies.

          That night we began bribing your dog with bowls of the stew we gnomes enjoy every meal. It is a vile bowl of gruel and berries. It is terrible and we eat it cold. The only thing it is good for us to complain about it. This is why the gnomes love it because as you know by now complaining for a gnome is like breathing. Apparently, your dog has no taste buds because she eats every last bite and then tries to eat some of our gnome’s bowls as well.

          Because of the stew, your big dog has agreed to allow us to ride on the side of her while we use our slingshots to pelt the Woodland Fairies with the stink berries that grow behind your school. Your big dog, I believe you call Trixie, is a great camouflage for us. Several nights in a row we have succeeded in hitting three fairies with the stink berries. We the gnomes rejoice at this because those foul creatures smell that way for at least three days. This is a great victory for us.

          The little white dog we did not like at all at first because as you will remember her breath stinks! The more we watched your little white dog the more we noticed that she is very sneaky and we even watched her catch one of the chipmunks that the tree elves use to pull their wagons full of acorns through the forest. The greatest thing about your little dog is that she has a bad attitude, we the gnomes love that!

          This little white fluffy creature that you call, Katie, is truly gnome material. We will allow you to stay as long you agree that Trixie and Katie are friends of the gnome clan. You must also allow them to assist us in our attacks against the Woodland Fairies. Please accept this magical hamburger as a token of our thanks for the use of your beasts. We the gnomes found this hamburger on the edge of our lands ten years ago. It looks the same and has not turned funny colors and it does have a foul odor like the other human food that we sto…I mean found.

Errr… Many Thanks?

Betrand G. Fizzywillow