Dear Misanthropes,
It seems that you children cannot follow simple instructions. Were we not clear when we said that our noble clan would require space for five to ten gnomes in each of your suitcases for your vacation? And yet when we went to sneak into your luggage there was no room for our clan!
Do you children really need to pack every single item of clothes that you own when you go on a trip? Don’t even get me started on all of the books you packed! When gnomes go on a journey they don’t pack books, they pack items to build weapons or traps because you never know when you are going to run into a Woodland Fairy that needs to be pelted with goo or something else gross.
In other words, there was no room for our noble clan to travel in your suitcases. Oh and once again your Dad ruined everything! He packed his suitcase and your Mom’s luggage in the rolling thing you keep in your other house with the large door that sounds like a dragon when it opens. We believe your Mom calls this four-wheeled machine, “Oh my gosh! or Thank you, Jesus we didn’t die.” At least that is what it is called when your Dad drives it.
So thanks to you we can’t travel to the far-off land in your suitcase. We the gnomes were faced with one of two choices. The first was to visit the Fairytale Travel Agency. Yes, even some Fairytale creatures go on vacation except for the Freeway Ogres. I mean if you got to yell all day long and spell funny words with what was left of flat tires you would think every day was vacation too.
Unfortunately, the Fairytale Travel Agency is run by a group of tree elves and an old magical tree known as Bloobersnoot. As you might have guessed Bloobersnoot is a crazy tree that is always happy and “loves everyone.” He once offered to send our noble clan on a magical adventure full of fun and excitement. We the gnomes had one simple response to Bloobersnoot, “Hard pass.”
Since we the gnomes had no desire to deal with Bloobersnoot, we chose our second option. We the gnomes have disguised ourselves as a Mazona Rimep package. Crabapple, the computer-literate gnome tells us that they guarantee two-day delivery. When your friendly neighborhood SUP driver comes to take away your boxes he will take us to the address we have written on the box in two days. Then at last we will have the ancient element that will send the Woodland Fairies packing for good.
Gnome Voyage,
Betrand G. Fizzywillow