Dear Really Bad Short People,
We the gnomes are exhausted! Those Leprechauns that appeared from the double rainbow decided to stay in the back field near the Enchanted Forest for three extra days after their precious rainbow was gone. This was awful for us!
Paddy O’Hoolihan and the rest of the Leprechauns sang and danced all night long with the Woodland Fairies. They laughed and laughed, those little green nuisances were so loud that we had to stuff raccoons in our ears just so we could sleep. Because of this, we had all had terrible nights of sleep. How well do you think you would sleep with a raccoon in between your ears?
While we had raccoons chattering in our ears as we tried to sleep the leprechauns sang songs about things that no normal person would think to sing about. The reason no normal person would sing those songs is that they have brains, unlike the Woodland Fairies and Leprechauns. Whom, to the best of our humble gnome clan’s understanding, do not.
Thankfully the Leprechauns decided that they needed to go be annoying elsewhere, they called it spreading joy, however, we the gnomes have no idea what this means. All that we know is that our lands were destroyed by the Woodland Fairies and Leprechauns with their “party.” By destroyed of course, we mean that the ground was neat and clean. All of our piles of trash disappeared, the trees were freshly trimmed, and the whole land smelled, “nice.” We the gnomes of course found this unacceptable.
After all of the work in repairing our lands from the damage caused by the Woodland Fairies and the Leprechauns, we the gnomes need a break. We also have recently discovered there is an ancient element in a far-off land that may contain a magical power to kick the Woodland Fairies and the Leprechauns off of our land forever. We sure hope so because we are tired of looking at all of these awful flowers.
Slearpork the Sneaky has informed us that you and your parents are also tired and are taking a vacation to relax. While we the gnomes have no idea what a vacation is or why you need to “relax” we have learned that where you are going is where this magical item that will finally give us victory over the Woodland Fairies is.
So we the gnomes demand that you allow us to travel on what you call a Raroplane in your luggage. We the gnomes require space for five to ten gnomes a suitcase. It has come to our attention that your Dad’s suitcase is rather large and can easily fit more gnomes.
He will be so surprised when he opens his bag on vacation to discover that we have thrown out all of his clothes so that our noble clan can travel safely. Your Dad will be even more excited to know that we the gnomes have brought our finest cabbage, garlic, mustard, and stink bug stew in his suitcase. At least he won’t be hungry when he arrives.
Take us with you or else…
Betrand G. Fizzywillow
p.s. Goater has declared that he is coming too. Good Luck getting him through airport security. You could always say that Goater is your Dad’s brother. They look alike and have you seen that guy eat? We of course are talking about your Dad.