Special guest post by Goater
Dear Nice Children who talk to me,
Hi friends, Mr. Angry Gnome told me to write you two kids letters while he was gone. He told me to write about things I don’t like and to complain a lot. Betrand said the grumpier the better. I don’t know why He is so cranky besides that he sleeps on a bed full of thumbtacks and old potato chip bags. But he is my friend and so I will try to write a mean letter to you kiddos. You sure are nice to me by the way and your Dad is my friend too.
Do you know what I don’t like? I don’t like that the sunset is so pretty that sometimes I want to cry. Oh wait, that is actually something nice. Here let me try again. Do you know what really bugs me? Well, not much except when the fireflies go to sleep at night because that means I have to wait until tomorrow to see them again and they sure are pretty.
Well, maybe I can’t write a mean letter too well so I guess I will just have to do two things. First of all, I would like to thank the little boy for not zipping up his suitcase all the way because when your Dad carried it outside several socks dropped out. You may wonder what a talking goat can do with two pairs of socks. How would a goat even be able to put them on? Well, I can’t. But they sure were part of this goat’s balanced breakfast today. So to that I say thank you and tell your Dad while I was sorry to hear that he ripped his favorite pair of shorts last week, I was glad that he put them in a spot in the trash can where I could dig them out. They were a great dinner last night and I even had leftovers for lunch today.
Oh yeah, I said I was gonna do two things. First, again thank you. Secondly, would you like to hear how I invented suitcases? Well, one day someone left my gate open in Texash and I walked out and wandered down to the street to start talking to people. When all of the sudden I was attacked by a swarm of Bumblebees. I think they were after me because I am so sweet.
Anyways, I started running down the street until I found an open door and hid in the ice cream shop. I am what you call a nervous eater so I ate one tub of Rocky Road ice cream and three empty cartons. After that, my tummy hurt so I went to see Farmercist to get some medicine. He made me all better and then I went to play basketball with some nice people. They taught me how to slam dunk a basketball.
All was going great until the bees found me and started chasing me again. They chased me all of the way home. Just at the last moment, I jumped into a dumpster to hide and that’s how I invented the suitcase. I hope you liked my story. Tomorrow I will write you another one because I invented a lot of great stuff like question marks and pineapples.
Your Pal,
Goater!